A note we imagine gets composed every single morning

MEMO

To:  B.H. Obama

From:  G.W. Bush

Subject:  How's it going?

Barack,

How's it going, buddy?  I guess you're finding out right about now how lonely and difficult occupying the Big Chair is, huh?  I'll bet it must have looked so easy when you were constantly carping from the sidelines about what a poor job I was doing.  Well at least I am a genuine and open person who could relate to the people I led.  That "cool, cerebral" persona you affect and the teleprompter you cart around everywhere, even to high-school graduations, only make you look like a total phony.  The American people aren't stupid, you know.  They can spot a faker desperately feigning competence a mile away.  Dick and I weren't perfect, but at least we came to the job with plenty of executive experience.  I can't imagine attempting to do the job without any such background at all, as you're no doubt discovering.

I'll admit I made my share of mistakes - I let a Republican Congress spend us farther down the road to bankruptcy without a single veto to put them in check, and I never should have advocated for an amnesty for illegal immigrants.  Jeez, even I knew to back off when a vast majority of the voters rose up against that last one, though, unlike you and that massive health care Ponzi scheme you crammed down everyone's throat.  Good luck defending that one in 2012, especially once the true ramifications of that socialist bill become apparent in the next year or two.

Isn't it funny how an environmental disaster that you had no control over can affect your approval rating so much?  I mean, I certainly had some incompetent individuals under me, but your people take the cake.  Sitting around for more than a month before deciding to do something about the Gulf oil spill probably wasn't the smartest decision you ever made, to say the least.  We at least tried to do something about the aftereffects of Katrina in a timely manner.  Imagine if I had taken the amount of time you've wasted dithering around during that catastrophe.  I would have been completely crucified - kind of like what's happening to you right now.  How does it feel?

While we're on the subject of competence, how are underlings such as Eric "Neutral, leaning towards favorable" Holder, Janet Napolitano, Hilda Solis and Ken Salazar working out for you?  It must be frustrating (and more than a little frightening) to know that Hillary freakin' Clinton is doing by far the best job in your administration to date.  You will be quite fortunate if she doesn't pull a Ted Kennedy circa 1980 and offer you a serious primary challenge in the next election.  My party may not even have to worry about you in 2012 if you keep up your incompetent stumbling.

Well, I'll let you get back to work, as I'm sure you've got a full schedule of damage control to go through.  One last hint, though.  The CVS down the street at 1275 Pennsylvania Avenue sells Just for Men products.  You should maybe send your bobo and chief jock-carrier Reggie Love down there to pick some up for you.  The gray is beginning to dominate, if you get my drift.

Best,

W.