A very reasonable court ruling

Lee Paige, the DEA agent who in 2004 arrogantly informed a classroom full of schoolchildren that he was the "only one in the room professional enough" to handle his Glock 22 service pistol and then promptly shot himself in the leg, has lost his lawsuit against the agency alleging "emotional and mental pain and suffering, mental anguish, loss of enjoyment of life, loss of reputation, loss of opportunity, loss of money, embarrassment, humiliation and anxiety" from the video's apparently being posted to YouTube by someone else in that organization.



Because, you see, making that decision to pull his Glock's trigger in public was all the DEA's fault, not his alone.

The good people at the MN Carry Forum have been having a grand old time dissecting Paige's apparently self-prepared lawsuit and have brought up several very good points.  We found a couple more to add as well:

1.  "Paige claimed DEA officials made him a "target of jokes, derision, ridicule, and disparaging comments," ruining his career as an undercover agent and motivational speaker,"

How can one simultaneously pursue both careers?  They would seem to be completely incongruous with each other.

2.  "For example, Mr. Paige spent a substantial part of his career at the DEA working in an undercover capacity and was once regarded as one of the best undercover agents, if not the best, in the DEA. On at least seven occasions he was subjected to armed confrontations and had to be rescued by other agents on two of these occasions."

Having to be bailed out by one's coworkers on mulitple occasions wouldn't seem to be the most direct path to fame and fortune as a federal agent, but what do we know?

3.  "He also served as a member of the Bahamas National Drug Council/Coalition for a drug-free Bahamas with whom he organized numerous drug-prevention prog [sic]"

"Jimmy Kimbel [sic] Live"

You might want to utilize the spell-checker before you file documents with the court, Mr. Paige.  We certainly hope your applications for search warrants were proofread a little better than this.

4.  "Seconds after Mr. Paige warned the children that he was the only person that he knew of in the room professional enough of to carry the firearm, the firearm accidentally discharged, wounding Mr.Paige."

Yes, that nasty headstrong firearm discharged all by itself.  Must have been static electricity in the humid Florida air.  That wasn't an "accidental" discharge, Mr. Paige.  It was a "negligent" one. 

5.  "Shortly after the accidental discharge, the videotape, which was the only video and audio recording of the accidental discharge, was turned over to the DEA. Later, the videotape was returned to the person who had made the videotape, but the video and audio portions of the accidental discharge had been removed from the videotape by the DEA."

Why did the agency do that?  Wouldn't the erasure of data from a person's private property constitute either evidence-tampering or unlawful destruction?  The DEA presumably had no right to censor the footage, as they can't credibly claim that Mr. Paige was engaged in undercover activities at the time of his boo-boo.  The DEA T-shirt and tactical leg holster kind of give him away.

6.  "Typically, the videotape of the accidental discharge has been broadcast, presented or disclosed to others for purposes of amusement and to demean and to ridicule Mr. Paige, especially in light of the accidental discharge occurring at virtually the same time that Mr. Paige told his audience that he was the only person in the room sufficiently professional enough to carry the firearm."

That sounds pretty accurate to us.  What's your point, Mr. Paige?

7.  "As a result of the notoriety arising from the disclosure of the videotape, Mr. Paige is no longer permitted or able to give educational motivational speeches and presentations."

Because parents don't want their kids to be shot by an incompetent boob.  We would certainly clear the area if we saw you standing there with a pistol in your hand.


Mr. Paige is now free to concentrate on his public service career, which now hopefully consists of a desk job in order to minimize his opportunities to endanger the public.